“Learning to give up on perfection may be just about the most romantic move any of us could make.” -Alain de Botton
After several months of going between my private practice as a Sex and Relationship Coach and larger settings of workshops and speaking engagements, I’ve landed at home for the summer to integrate the ideas, experiences, and people that have grown me in the process. As many of you know, one of the core themes during the workshops I’ve lead recently has been “Authentic is Sexy.” I have made it a practice to ask what the word authentic means. With all of the various creative and insightful responses, I got a glimpse into many of the sensations that people feel when they are being authentic. Authentic: “Not false. True to one’s own personality, spirit or character...no pretensions.” No pretensions. Our natures are phenomenally beautiful and spectacularly messy. Getting into a more comfortable and accepting relationship with the messy parts both in ourselves and in our partners can give us access to much more liberation and pleasure in the long run. Often I get to experience couples falling more deeply in love with one another when they uncover a more direct connection not only with their turn-ons and preferences around intimacy but also with their triggers, attachment styles, and blind spots. Embracing our imperfections as well as our strong suits allows us to expand the possibility of loving the whole package, which ultimately widens the path we have towards sexy experiences.
When we find patterns or obstacles in the way of pleasurable and present connection with ourselves and loved ones, what is most important to remember is that we are not on a quest to change ourselves by creating strategies to be different in order to be “acceptable.” The most profound part of the process is becoming more of yourself. Nothing is broken. Nothing needs to be fixed. Who we are is perfectly imperfect. We seek alignment with our true selves, our highest selves, our most honorable selves. Amen to that. But the reality is that we are impacted by the world, by past unhealed trauma, by being unresourced or tired, by living in a day to day life that can be taxing on our nervous and limbic systems. Choosing a compassionate response to the parts of us that may be constricted or obscured by current or past experiences, is not only one of the first ways to remember your whole full self, but it makes so much more space for delicious and sustainable closeness with others.
So throw out any preconceived notions of what sexy looks like. When I work with clients who want to get more in touch with their erotic energy, I witness and celebrate how vulnerable this path is. It takes an extreme amount of willingness to penetrate the guard we put up. We are brilliant beings doing our best to navigate territory that can be tender and precarious and we get lost sometimes behind the strategies that have kept us safe for so long. Uncovering and unearthing the true frameworks of our beings and our connection to our sexy selves, is a courageous quest. It is an initiation into the soft underbelly of our wholeness.
Just in case you have forgotten, you are exquisitely sexy! If you’d like support on your path contact me. I will be spending part of my summer preparing for the next round of women’s and couples' series that will be coming up in September, offered both online and in person, so check out the links below. Or for sessions independent of the series I’m also offering a summer special on individual and couples sessions that you can use anytime so don’t miss the window to purchase sessions in advance at 10% off. The offer ends on the last day of July. I’ll create a card for you that I’ll keep in my office and will also send you an email confirmation of your purchase for your records.
Last but not least, I want to bring your faces, your experiences, your captured moments to my Instagram page. If you’d like to be featured, please upload your image, one that represents you, your relationships, your individuality, your process. Tag me in your image (@jaimewilliams.intimacycoach) and include the #authenticissexy. I will regularly feature your images and insights on my Instagram feed. I look forward to knowing you more, all of you.